The Chicken Who Did It

Hi I decided to make a post where all the story of "The Chicken Who Did It" will unfold for you the reader. Any time I make a card that is a part of this story there will be a link back to this post to tell the tale of that cards place in the grand saga of "The Chicken Who Did It"

The Chicken Who Did it
Episode I

Hi! I’m Chuck. You may know me best from here, the line up that changed my life for good. From the line up










You all know I went to jail, here.















But to really tell you the story of what I did or didn’t do I have to take you back to the beginning which was essentially here


I was born on a farm to my mother Isabelle and father Yakov, I know I know I look like a domestic chicken but there is some mixing going on in this little package. But all in all my parents were really nice, you couldn’t really ask more of couple who has 23 chicks running around all at once. In this flock I was the one that stood out from the rest, didn’t quite fit in the way the rest of my hatchlings did. Amongst the farmyard I was always know as the oddball, or black sheep or freak as I often heard. I was the only chick in my family that needed glasses.

The rest of my chickhood was a lot of the same things over and over. I never really came into my own with my kind, everyone thought of me as a reject, and not one of them was surprised by the verdict if you know what I mean. So began the saga that is my life before the event in question.

Episode II

My teen years started out on an odd note, being sent off to a teen chicken camp (that’s me in the back) where oddly enough I met my best friend...a pig. Pervis the pig was obviously more of an oddball than me here, which made it easy for him to understand how I felt about things. Throughout my teens Pervis and I were inseparable and we spent almost every waking minute around each other doing mischievous things that boys do when they are young and stupid. But all in all our friendship was based on not being understood, and our hope to be more accepted. Soon though something would appear that would put a small riff between us and change everything forever. Pervis and my relationship was off to a good start, but how would it end....

Episode III

Pervis and I had so much fun together, but little did Pevis or I know that our fun would soon change our lives together, forever. One day on the chicken farm, Pervis and I were playing Commando's and I was walking through the wooded area of the farm when...Zing! I stepped in a snare trap that Pervis had set up to catch me...the "enemy". Well I gotta tell ya, Pervis sets a good trap. I must have been hanging up there for a quarter hour when out of the bushes emerged a beauty that would change my outlook for good...and how. I stared at her and obviously do to my situation, she stared right back at me. All I could muster was "Ah...Little Help". She gigled and walked around the tree to untie the other end, and I fell to the ground with an awkward thud. I hurriedly jumped to my feet, you agile like a cat, part of being a "MAN". Nothing puts me down, I didn't fall, it was a tuck and roll maneuver...no it wasn't I fell. She laughed. My world stopped. Pervis then emerged from down the lane, and he didn't know what to think about this. he just laughed at me for getting caught up in the tree, and had to revert to asking this girl to help me out. But Pervis would soon come to realize that even before I, that this was more than just a mere girl, this was an obstacle that he did not want to overcome, he just wanted it to go away. "What is your name" she asked...I sought the name I was given by my parents, but couldn't think at all. The Pervis somewhat saved me from my own brain fart and said "This idiots name is Chuck and I'm Pervis...who the heck are you". A little attitude but my name was out there now and I could stop trying to recall my own name. "Moonique" said she with a hint of coyish charm. With this said we talked for a while, but I couldn't really remember a lot of what happened from then, I just knew that i liked her a lot and hoped she liked me. But one thing I did know, nothing was ever going to be the same again.

Episode IV

Pervis and I had so much fun together, I remember this one time when we got into a bit of trouble because we had spray painted Sherman the sheep purple. I mean come on, who wouldn't think that that was funny. We laughed and laughed and laughed for days about that one. Sure Sherman was peeved at us, but no one liked him, even us weirdos. I remember when I told Moonique about it she laughed so hard milk sprayed all over the place. But the three of were getting closer and closer as friends, little did I know that Pervis was befriending Moonique to quote unquote "keep your enemies close". He wanted to make sure I didn't dump him just because some skirt came along. But for the time being, where ever trouble was to be found, there you would find the three of us. You might even say we were the farmyards little hoods.We would goof on the rest of the chickens, and Moonique even told us about Farmer tipping, now that was fun, who knew farmers fell over so easy. Nothing could stop the fun we three were having and Moonique and I were growing so close I didn't even know what to think about it, and I am certain that Pervis didn't know what to think about it other than "bad news". But alas being stuck in the middle is a double edged sword, on one side you got two really great friends that mean the world to you, and on the other side you know one day you'll have to choose between them, but for now all I knew was that these were the greatest days of my life.

Episode IV

From all this fun I knew the day would come that the fun would come to a screeching halt, and today is that day. Over the past few weeks Moonique and I have been getting so close and spending so much time together it was only a matter of time before our fathers noticed, and everyone in the barnyard knows that inter species relationships don't work. We didn't care, b our fathers did. And you know the old adage "Father Knows Best!" Well let me tell you, our fathers flipped out. They went up one side of us and down the other, all the two of us could do is stand there and take it. I've never seen my dad so mad before."What kind of chicken runs around with a cow?" my father says "How can a chicken provide for a cow?" says hers, "When you grow up and become a rooster..." my dad says "what will all the hens think of you and you past fling with a cow? You'll be a laughing stock and never gain the respect of your hens, is that what you want?" to which I say "I don't want a bunch of annoying hens I just want Moonique and that's it!"
Well let me tell you, that was just about the wrongest thing to say to my father at that moment. He demanded that I never see her again and said if I didn't comply I was out of the hen house and onto the street. Well again let me tell you, I get brave when you bash my love for my lady and say some pretty brave things but when this popped out of my mouth even Moonique AND her father's jaw dropped, I said "You're nothing but a henpecked turkey and if you were half the MAN I am you would see that what we have is real" and I stormed off. the last time I saw my father his ego was smashed and I don't think he even saw it coming. The things you do when you are young and in love.
When Moonique and I saw each other later that day we were so happy to see each other. We met where we always met, in the flower field at the back of the farms acreage. She asked me what I was going to do with myself now that I had no home, and what all this meant for us. I told her that I was going to stay with Pervis and figure it out from there, and that as far as we were concerned I told her that one day I was going to marry her and nobodies father was going to stop me.

Episode V

Our parents are all losing their minds. Pervis' parents didn't have a problem with me staying with them for a little while, but indefinitely, they had a problem with. And let me tell you, Pervis had a problem with them having a problem. He went off on them. Have you ever seen a bunch of pigs getting into it, it aint pretty. A lot of snorting and a whole lot of swearing, mothers can be so mouthy...lol. Needless to say, it all came down to either Pervis listening to his parents or leaving with me...and his parents weren't budging. So that took us to Mooniques house, not to ask if we could stay there, but to tell Moonique that we were leaving to find a new home for ourselves, a place where no one cared that he was a pig and I was a chicken and she was a cow, we could all just be friends because we cared for each other. Well, Moonique didn't like the idea of us two leaving her behind to be the go-between for them and their parents, so she said she was coming too. Who was I to argue with her. So late that evening under a full moon, Pervis and I snuck Moonique out of her parents paddock and left for our adventure together. We didn't know what we were going to do, out in the big vast world on our own, but we were bound to get through what ever was placed in our way, as long as we had each other to help us through it. And our timing couldn't have been better, because little did we know, that the next mourning the local law enforcement agency came knocking at our doors and was looking for us.....

Episode VI

As the three of us left the safety of our homes out into the vast new world, we found ourselves trotting onto a farm in the next town over, the town of Newburn. On this farm we met a nice old horse named Buck...(get it...Buck!...rotflmbo). Buck was such a nice old guy and had all kinds of advice for us on our journey, but one of the biggest pieces of advice he had for us was this,"See the world kids...the whole world. If you are going to wonder the earth trying to find a place you can call home, you may as well see the whole world before you decide where you'll hang your cap for the rest of your lives." I thought the notion of the whole world was so big and beyond us and never thought we could even begin to travel the world. Secondly he told us "To treasure each other as friends above anything else, because Friends are all you have to count on and when traveling the world in unknown and unforgiving destinations you need a few good friends to watch your back. Make sure you take car of each other with all you got, and if you do that you'll always have each other." I couldn't believe that we were actually thinking of traveling the globe, I mean come on what purpose could a pig, cow and chicken have touring the world like we mattered or something. We had no idea what we were going to encounter or who was going to get in our way, or how we were going to get to everywhere in the world, but the three of us agreed that if we were to find a home amongst the world, we would indeed have to explore all options. And so began the greatest adventure of our lives. Our trek around the globe started in a little town of Newburn Kansas. But what we didn't know was that back home a special task force was being established to follow us and bring us to justice, and we were only a few days ahead of them and didn't even know what was upon us...

Episode VII

It took us a long trip to get here, but when an oppurtunity presents itself for atrip like this...you take it. Pervis ran into a an old friend who is now working on a boat that travels back and forth between here and africa, and offered us a lift over the great Atlantic Ocean to the other side of the world. Pervis' friend was a Hawk 'n his name was Robert, but we just called him Bob, he was so funny.

Once we made our way to Egypt we were stunned by the magnitude of the pyramids and all the landmarks that this past empire has left behind. The vastness of the dessert is a far cry from where we come from in Kansas, but the newness of it all is striking. While we were in the vicinity of the pyramids we decided, well actually Moonique decided, that it would be a great idea to enter the pyramid and look around. As you can see, we may have taken a wrong turn or two whilst in the tomb of some ancient guy. He wasn't amused. We ran. He chased. It was terrifying but funny when it was all over. I didn't think a chickens heart could beat so fast, but when you encounter one of more famous monsters of the world, your heart takes off with or without you.

The weather was nice for the rest of our stay in Egypt though. Beautiful sunsets in Egypt. Sunsets are beautiful anywhere if you have the love of your life with you...{right Kelly...OO}. But where were we to go next, we didn't know, and to tell you the truth, my geography sucks, hopefully whoever decides what happens next, knows what they're doing.

Episode VIII

While we were out gallivanting the world, back home Farmer Tom put forth motions to start an elite team of enforcers called the Farmyard Bureau of Investigation…or FBI. Farmer Tom was so mad about the event that changed all our lives he labeled us Farmyard terrorists and formally changed us with Farmyard terrorism for the so-called heinous act. The elite team of FBI agents that were sent after us to retrieve us and return us to justice no matter what, were of all farmyardians, but the geese. I can’t believe those water-fowl would turn on us, like we have ever done anything to them. Whatever. All of this was going on without any of us having a clue that we were being stalked around the world, and up till now we were staying well enough ahead of them to stay naïve to this whole vendetta that was thrust upon us by an overzealous farmer with an axe to grind over what he claims was a travesty and that I was the culprit and my friends accomplices after the fact. And what is that oh-so heinous act that I preformed that allowed for this crazy farmer to jump to such monumental levels of self righteousness that he would send farmyard geese under the deputization of the “FBI” to bring us to justice….I supposedly tipped his outhouse whilst he was a squatting….ROTFLMBO!

Episode IX

Well this point of our trip has landed us in the land down under…Australia! What a fun place to go.As you can see we had a lot of fun going snorkelling with Ebert the green fish. He was so much, he showed us everything good that we needed to see under the sea. We saw all kinds of really pretty fish…not that Ebert wasn’t a pretty fish, but, well you KWIM…lol. On this trip we also met Kate the Kangaroo, she was a lot of fun. It is amazing how far a kangaroo can jump, and for no real reason either, they just jump all the time. I would be so tired if I had to jump everywhere I went. We spent a good few days in Australia with Kate and learned a lot about how people live in that part of the world, a lot of similar things to back home, but a lot less stress over here in Australia.
The only thing that made this feel bad was when our plane was just leaving the airport in Melbourne we looked down at the tarmac and saw for the first time our “Road Nemesis” The Flock of “FBI” geese. Running after the plane trying to get us to stop. And when the plane took off and soared into the air, so did they! They were coming after us and we had no idea why, but we knew it had to do with us. The good thing about a jet though….it is way faster than a goose. So for the time being we’re going to be safe from them, but also from now on we’ll being looking over our shoulders.

Episode X

As we arrived in Auckland we all knew that whatever that was with the FBI geese, it was a close call and nothing we could do was going to stop them, and we knew we were only hours ahead of them. We knew that we had to get out of here and to somewhere bigger, more populated, and definitely not an island. But when we inquired about another flight to get off this island the person behind the counter said that there were no flights leaving for at least three hours due to severe weather. This was not good. We needed to hide and somewhere that would be hard for the FBI to find us. Upon stepping out into the street we were propositioned by a local to take a tour of the island, and at the time we thought this may be an easy way of getting out of the immediate vicinity of the airport.
I have to say that even though we were on the run now, the scenery was breathtaking and couldn’t be ignored. We were in awe of the vastness of the nature crawling over the land like a blanket of perfection. Then, off in the distance, I saw what looked to me like caves in the mountains. Ned our guide told us that through those caves were an immense series of caves and due to some minor hazards was closed to tours and tourists alike. Well I knew that this was what we were looking for and Pervis agreed. Moonique however didn’t love the idea of wandering around inside an “immense” cavern. “What if we get lost? Or there’s a cave in? or worse?”. To which I ominously stated “What’s gonna happen? Nothing’s gonna happen we’ll be okay” And Pervis added “we need to get away from the FBI, who knows what they’ll do to us if they find us, haven’t you seen those movies where the FBI torture you to get info out of you?” “Isn’t that the CIA not the FBI” Moonique came back with. “Whatever” Said Pervis as he stomped off into the cave. As Pervis wandered into the cave I took Moonique aside and told her that I would never put her in danger unless absolutely necessary . At this point in time I didn’t think it necessary nor did I find this dangerous, our guide Ned told us it would most likely be safe, and I believe him. “I trust you with my life, and will follow you wherever it takes us” Moonique says as she turns to walk down the path into the cave. I smiled gave Ned a nod, and the four of us entered into the dark cave, out of the weather and away from the FBI. Who knows where we will go to get away from them once this storm passes and we are able to get a flight out of here…who knows.

Episode XI

Out of the light and into the darkness, this was starting to feel bad but I knew we had to get some cover before that vicious storm blew us all away. We walked through this massive series of caves and tunnels and would have had no idea where we were if it weren’t for Ned. We began to hear the sound of a river, it sounded far away. But we came upon it rather quick. It sounded far away because it still was. We stood at the edge of a huge ravine with a raging river about 70’ below us. All that would get us across was a really old rickety looking rope bridge…I know! I couldn’t believe this. Moonique says “you don’t think that we’re going across this…” Ned has a look of “Well yeah” on his face and she’s “…this couldn’t hold Chuck and he’s a Chicken, Chickens don’t weigh anything!” and then Pervis “We’re all gonna die, we can’t go across this”. And just as I was going to agree we heard the honk of a goose. Crap! Panic set in, we were trapped. Pervis stuttered but got out the words “what are we going to do now?” everyone looked at the bridge an reassessed that it was safe enough now. Ned led us out onto the rope bridge and under all our weight creaked quite a bit. We all shot back to the edge of the ravine. Ned said “we’ll have to go one at a time, limit the weight on the bridge…I’ll go first” with that we watched as he safely made it across. Then I told Moonique to go, if she were to get caught I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. When she got across a weight was off my shoulders and I started to cross the rope bridge when I heard a loud flutter of many feather flapping….the geese! I turned and I saw Pervis trying to fight off the geese, but there were too many. I looked back at Moonique, gave her a grin telling her I was coming back. And ran back to save Pervis. Pervis and I gave a good fight and when they were all on the ground regrouping we ran. Pervis hit the bridge and was half way across when one of the geese dove and grabbed my foot…I started kicking. Pervis looked back and I yelled “Keep going, I’ll be right behind you!”. When he made it to the other side I gave one good kick to the gooses eye and severely scratched it allowing myself to get loose and ran across the bridge. But half way across I felt everything getting light and I looked into Moonique’s eyes as Pervis yelled “Nooooo…..” and the bridge fell out from under me and I started my fall seventy feet down to the raging river…damn these useless chicken wings. Splash.

Episode XII

When Chuck fell down that ravine into that raging river we all assumed the worst, Ned was holding Moonique and comforting her as I looked across at the FBI geese and cursed them for what had happened to my friend. Then they were upon us before I began to think that geese can fly. They had us. They had us and Chuck was all but confirmed dead which one of them flew down to do, confirm death. Could a chicken survive such a fall I think to myself. I couldn’t. Pigs are stronger than chickens….Chuck is dead.

The FBI goose came back from the bottom and was shaking his beady little head. He hadn’t found Chucks body. I didn’t know if that was good or not, but I leaned more to that that was not good.

They took us to the local police station and separated us. You know the usual me in this mirrored room, her in that mirrored room. They grilled us for hours. Where was he going? If he is still alive what would he do now? Why did he do that to farmer Tom? “Farmer Tom?” I said “what does that mean? What did he do to farmer Tom?” He showed me the surveillance photo of Chuck tipping over that outhouse. I couldn’t believe it…why would Chuck do that? It doesn’t make any sense. But before I could really think about it the Goose brought me back with “Why would you accomplice this kind of a criminal and further dig your own grave Pervis?”

“Simple” I said “He’s my best friend in the whole world and I’d do it again” He punched me…and we started over…FBI doesn‘t torture.

Episode XIII

During our interrogation I was not aware that Ned was alleviated of all charges as he told the FBI that we had threatened his life and would kill him if he didn’t hide us in the caves. When he later told me the tale I couldn’t believe he would say something like that, but he told me he didn’t think that these Geese were all that trustworthy and came up with a lie to get him off the hook, so he could go and coordinate an escape!

So on our third day of “talking” with the FBI, they were all called away from our rooms to deal with something. Seems an anonymous tip had come in that someone had seen Chuck. Later revealed to be a hen…ROTFLMBO KWIM!

Moments after they left we saw them all take off into the sky heading to wherever they were told Chuck was. And within moments of that my wall to the outside was pulled away from the building with an elephant of all things. We were free!

I asked Ned where he got an elephant. He told me that he knew the elephant form the circus on the island. His name was, get this Harry Elephante. Hilarious. We were free and fleeing into the jungle and had no game plan. Chuck was gone and who knew if he was even alive. We were lost in every sense of the word and running.

Episode XIV

Chuck is gone, we’re escapees running from the FBI and we’re stuck in some jungle with nowhere to go or anything to do other then try to find Chuck…if there’s a Chuck to find that is. Moonique is beside herself, I spend most of my efforts trying to calm her down. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone so worried in all my life, I don’t know what she will do if we confirm what may be true, that Chuck is dead. I fear for her sanity and our safety after such a revelation, our only option at that point may be to turn ourselves in because without Chuck to lead us, we have nothing to keep us alive, I can’t take care of us….I’m just a screw up with no skills and definitely no leadership qualities. Walking aimlessly through the jungle trying to find a chicken seems a bit crazy, I mean a chicken is so small and this island so big and there is only the two of us looking for him.

But then, of in the distance, I hear a faint voice speaking to someone…that voice says “a pig and a cow…how many pigs and cows could be walking around together here…have you seem them”. “Holy Crap!…it’s Chuck”…”Pervis! Is that you he says back through the jungle. “Chuck…we’re over here!” says Moonique, whom at this moment can hardly contain herself. And just when we thought it was a shared delusion, Chuck burst through the brush and into our sights, and what a sight it was. But he seemed panicked. Our reunion was cut short as Chuck told us that the FBI geese were after him. They had been chasing him around the island. We cut him off and told him what we had been through with the FBI. We all knew we had to get off the island and we would have to chance the airport to do so.

Once we got to the airport, the three of us split up, they would be looking for a trio like us, but separately we would blend in a little better. That hour at the airport may have been the longest hour of my life. Waiting for our gate to open and let us onto the plane, not knowing if the others made it tot the plane without being detected. Moonique and I met up on the plane and worried as the plane was filling up and there was no sign of chuck. Had he been caught? But as the last few passengers entered the plane Chucks relieved face boarded the plane. As the plane soared into the sky, I remember being so happy. I remember looking at the two of them, and the jealousy that I had for her relationship with him, my best friend, disappeared. I knew that they were forever and I knew that we were forever…Three Forever.

Episode XV

I am so happy being back with my friends. I think a lot about what I would have done had I not found them. What would happen to me without them. They don’t know how much a depend on them being here to get me through this. I don’t know what this whole deal is about, but when Pervis explained to me what the charges were, I told him I couldn’t believe it. How could there be a picture of me doing this when I didn’t do it. Is it possible that I am crazy and don’t know what I do. Was I sleepwalking? (I sleepwalk…ask Kelly…lol) Whatever the explanation I hope it all comes to an end soon, so I can spend my life with my love and my best friend. We started off this journey going out into the world all wide eyed and dreaming of all the things we could do. Not being tied down to anywhere, being able to do anything we want, meet people have adventures. To now, running around the world trying evade some rogue squadron of vigilante geese hell bent on bringing us to farmyard justice by whatever means necessary. How was I supposed to know I was putting my friends in such perilous situations. I never meant to, but am glad they are here. All we can do is depend on each other and go on with our journey together. We made a pact that no matter what we don’t let the FBI ruin our adventure…if they get close we’ll run but until then we are going to enjoy our travels. Now as the plane is descending unto Africa we look forward to meeting some jungle creatures of a different variety. The African plains are supposed to be beautiful.

Episode XVI

Africa is so cool…errr hot that is, but a lot of fun. The locals are all so much fun. There is so much happiness in this part of Africa we don’t know what to do with ourselves. One night around the campfire we told our story to some of the locals. They were appalled that we were being hunted down by mercenaries out for blood of innocent people. I reiterated that I had no idea how the picture exists and that I had in no way been a part of such event in question. All of our African friends we so nice, they showed us all the cool places to go, the sights to see, things to play, people to meet. We had so much fun, buying stuff, eating such great food, seeing shows etc etc….not worrying about geese and our imminent demise. There is nothing but fun here and you could almost feel the bad enter the environment.

Enter the FBI. They swooped down almost out of nowhere and were upon us before we had any idea. We tried to kick our way out, then I saw the scarred eye of the goose that I scratched and the determination in his eyes to catch me. They had us and we were powerless to do anything about. But then something we had never encountered outside of each other happened, comradory. Our African friends jumped in to our rescue and subdued the geese. We were awe stricken. No one had ever put there safety in jeopardy for us before. We told them we really appreciated everything they had done for us and especially this. They told us to get away and to always remember that Africa cares about them and our story. The legend of the three from America will be spoken by all and spread from mouth to mouth like wildfire. What a crazy thought. Again we fled the country, but we knew we would have more time this time, as our new friends would keep the geese as long as they could. We were sad to leave Africa, it was the first place that seemed like it could be home away from home. Maybe we’ll come back once this all blows over.

Episode XVII

Europe is really old. Spending a little extra time here because we are traveling all over the place from England to France to Ireland back to England, over to Scotland and Germany, there is a lot of great places in Europe. A lot of history here and things to see. Did you know that some people think that Stonehenge is related in some way to Extra-terrestrial beings…aliens….crazy. That’s the last thing I need now is for aliens to come down and get me, but it would probably be better than the FBI…KWIM. Ireland is nice lot’s of great scenery and more happy, friendly people willing to help out travelers with whatever they can. It was in Ireland that we first heard about “Us”. You heard right…us. Our story had gone from mouth to mouth like the Africans said and had already made it’s way to Ireland by our sixth day in Europe and we were floored by the hospitality of the Irish to help us on our journey. Everyone here says that the Orient is very nice, especially this time of year, so that’s where we plan on going next. Alas I think we may have lost the FBI, we haven’t heard a thing about them in our travels through Europe and we all hope that maybe they gave up…yeah right *wink*. I Hope that our trip to the Orient goes well and maybe , just maybe we’ll head back over the pond, to our home and maybe end this once and for all. If only I knew the future to know if everything goes well I may sleep better knowing that Moonique and I can be together forever and Pervis and I can be best buds again back home without the scrutiny of all that watch us. But I don’t know the future and don’t know if that is even possible. But here’s to not knowing…..

Episode XVII

OMG the orient is so cool, when we got here the locals already knew we were coming, and were waiting for us when we got off the plane! How cool is that. All in the land had already heard of our plight and the injustice we have encountered. We were made honorary samorai and taught a lot of cool tradtions that the nations of the orient perform. They taught us the ways of their people and what made them different from other places and what made them the same. It was so neat seeing all that they had to show us. Moonique Pervis and I had so much fun and got to spend a lot of time in the orient, almost two weeks! The local government told us that they would deny the FBI geese acsess to the country and that we would be safe while in their land. That is such a cool idea, why didn't i think of that! Being able to spend that time and not worry about being captured and taken away is so refreshing. Being able to spend tis time in such a beautiful place with the girl of my dreams and my best bud is awesome beyond words. It makes me wonder of our future together, will we be able to stay on the run or will this all eventually get figured out; I don't know which way it'll go, but if it's to be resolved it'll be back home. And now, I know that we need to go back home. And after we rest up and get our mind set on it, we''ll head back over the Pacific to America!

Episode XVIII

Back in the USA! We have finally landed back into the united States our home land. As you can see we have made a stop in the Aloha State of Hawaii! It is so much fun here I can’t even begin to tell you. We spend all our time at the beach relaxin’ and surfin’ , the ocean that is. I can tell that Pervis is concerned that we are back in the US as it makes us more open to arrest, but I keep assuring him that I have a plan. I don’t think he has much faith in my plan, and I don’t blame him, I don’t love my plan. But the way I look at it, my plan is for the greater good, and the greater good has a cost and my plan affirms that. I just hope that when all is said and done that Moonique can forgive me for the things I have done and all the things that have happened to us because of it. I hope Pervis will not hate me for almost getting him killed on numerous occasions and be smudging his decent name with my misadventures and lies. I hope everyone forgives me and all this madness can finally come to an end. But until then I am going to enjoy what little time I have left with the love of my life and my best bud, and we are going to continue to have a blast here in Hawaii….Aloha!

Episode XIX

Back on the mainland and loving being home. First stop, South Dakota, yeah I know figure that out, reentering the country in South Dakota, but that's where we could get a flight too, when we were ready to leave. Remember we always have to be on the move, can't sit and wait in an airport all day for a flight, the FBI geese could pop up at any moment, and with every day that goes by that we don't see them, we get more anxious that they'll pop out at any moment. But we love our time in South Dakota, we got to see Mt Rushmore as you can see, that was so great! We loved being back in our our kind of wilderness, not to say anything bad about the wilderness of other nations, but you are more comfortable in your own back yard KWIM? We spent quite a bit of time living out some time in that park, basking in the glory that is nature, with not a worry in our heads. We figured in the woods it would be harder to find us, and as far as we ever knew it was. The worry that builds in me for the safety of my girl and my Best friend grows with every second and I know the time to turn myself in is quickly coming upon us, I can't drag them through this anymore, I can't endanger the ones I love. Those geese get more aggressive ever encounter we have, and I fear someone will pay with their life, and I know it won't be me because that would kill me if either Moonique or Pervis died because of what I have done.....

.....the time is near.

Episode XX

OMG, you will not believe what happened to us next! We are standing in a line waiting to use a payphone, when a guy next to us says ”hey aren’t you Chuck the Chicken?” and me being on the run say “uh…no, don’t know anyone by the name of Chuck” and he’s already saying “yeah you are and that’s Pervis the pig and she’s Moonique the cow, O my gawd, can’t believe it!” at this point people start surrounding us, because apparently we are celebrities now in our own country and didn’t really fully appreciate how this may occur. So everyone is asking us questions and we can’t really hear any specific question and we three try to answer what we can, but that’s not what this is all about. Back to the original guy, he’s the important guy. After the crowd subsides and it’s back to just the three of us and him I say “sorry about the dogpile, it happens sometimes, just never happened here” to which he say’s “don’t worry about it, happens a lot in my industry…” and before you ask it, I asked it “what industry is that?” to which he says “the entertainment industry, and we want you!” at this point Moonique gets weak legged and actually falls over, if Pervis wasn’t paying attention we would’ve just watched her fall, because I was like floored by this statement. He continues saying “I work for the At Night show on NBC and we are looking for interesting guests to be on the show, not the normal boring celebrities that we always have on, but real celebrities that are famous for doing something or being about something, and everyone at the show had been following your story online”. Online what the heck, can you believe this stuff, I am just floored by everything that pours out of this guys face. He continues “…Jay is really gonna flip over this, he’s the biggest fan of you story…I gotta get the promos for this on the go, so I gotta know, are you in?”

Promo’s, the At Night Show, NBC, Jay himself, what is going on here, I mean really is this really happening, is he really asking us if we’re in? Can’t feel my feet, is he talking to me right now and I’m not hearing it cause I’m thinking this? Maybe I should say something…..

…..We’ll be there!

Episode XXI

The At Night Show with Jay Reno, can you believe it? As we walk onto the lot we encounter fans, I know! Fans, can you believe that? You won’t believe how many times I can say “can you believe that?” *grin* The fans are nice, they tell us how our story of standing up for ourselves and leading the FBI on a world wide goose-chase is not only uplifting and liberating, but hilarious at the same time. We tell little stories of our tale to each group we encounter, some good stories of good times with good friends, and other times of horrible encounters with almost certain death or imprisonment. We arrived at the lot two hours early like they asked of us, but only made it to the door of the AT Night Stage with a mere five minutes to show, which made our introduction with Jay really quick. He understood the “celebrity” treatment though being a star himself. The show started and he did his normal opening monologue, which I might say was pretty funny, and then he announced all the guest on the show and when he got to us….

“and our final guest of the night will be a group of barn yard heroes on the run from the Farmyard Bureau of Investigation, fleeing from justice throughout the world evading certain capture on the basis of their true innocence while facing the cruelty of a corrupt government agency. You’ve all heard their story and tonight we have ‘em here on this stage….Chuck, Pervis and Moonique!”

….and the place went ape! We couldn’t believe our ears, what has happened to our lives? We’ll never really know what really was to happen after that show. All the other guest came and went and it was our turn, we walked out to the applause and all the flashes of cell phone cameras and we were awe stricken. We sat on the chairs that so many famous people had sat, and talked to the man that so many famous people talked to…..

….screams from the audience, and scattering show security broke our laughter, gunshots rang out and everyone hit the floor, some harder than others…..”Pervis…are you okay?”

Episode XXII

“Pervis…talk to me!” He lays there motionless and all the mayhem around us, Moonique laying on the floor trying to keep her head down, and I’m crawling across the floor to see if Pervis is okay. I don’t think I could handle it if Pervis wasn’t okay, finally even threw all the screaming and running around, with all the people almost trampling us, I finally get to Pervis and roll him over, and to my horror, there is so much blood…..

….but little did I know that the head apparently bleeds quite a bit even with small lacerations. Pervis, in all the bedlam had fallen off his stool and hit his head on the edge of Jay’s desk, knocking him out, and causing a lot of blood to seep out of his head, which in part freaked me right out. I was glad to see that he was okay, but alas, we were not though. This was the end of our run from the law. As you might have guessed, they FBI Geese had found us from the many commercial spots saying we were going to be on the At Night Show with Jay Reno, and took that opportunity to take us down. Oddly enough it was the FBI geese that took a shot in the studio, it was one of our fans that was trying to save us. Can you believe that? Apparently he had seen the geese surrounding the stage when no one else did, and in his loyalty to us shot his gun into the air to give us time to escape. But, when it all went down, we could only think of each other, and we didn’t move, allowing the FBI to take us into custody. And that takes us to here, the line up where this whole sordid affair comes full circle. I sure am glad that everyone is okay, but this has to stop, I can’t have my friends in constant danger, here and now the lies stop!

Episode XXIII

“I DID IT!…. I don’t know how many ways you want me to say it” The FBI goose in front of me seemed almost peeved at me for confessing to the crime, but all I could say was “I did it, and I’m glad this is over”

Now I can imagine what you may be thinking right now, and I don’t blame you for thinking it, I’m a bad chicken for dragging you through this journey just to get to here of all places. I can’t believe it went this far, and this many people have been involved, and everyone listening to this story right now, but we have came to this point, the point of my confession.

“So tell me Chuck! If that is your real name, what would possess you to go and tip over the porta-crapper? I mean really you don’t seem like the adventurous type if you catch my drift!”

“I did it to impress my girlfriend Moonique….” he cuts me off before I can continue….
“The cow!, she’s your girlfriend…..the cow” he says with a hint of chuckle under his breathe….”well shut the front door, now I have heard everything….get this” he says to the others behind the glass”…Chucky here is in love with the heifer in room 2, can you believe that!” “Well then bovine lover after you tipped the crapper, what did you do?…did you even think of helping out the Farmer, he was trapped in there for quite a while you know, the crapper fell onto the door side, essentially locking him in there with all that crap, and you just left him there to wallow in it like you pig friend in room 3!”

“I want you to let them go! They had nothing to do with it, and now I want you to let them go, or I’ll change my story and say I don’t know what is going on and that you are framing me by coercing me into a confession!” It was all I had to say it, I’m not one for confrontation.

“Well holy crap you could knock me over with a feather, looky who decided to grow some…this chickens got some spunk in him yet.” He chuckles and looks to the mirrored wall, and turns to me “well you listen here, we are willing to let your friends go and only go after you, because we don’t have any evidence of their involvement before or during the commission of the crime, but after the fact we got a lot of evidence that they helped you flee the scene….so what do you got to say to that?”

“I say my confession deletes it all or I stop talking….and that’s that goose!”

Episode XXIV

They let Moonique and Pervis go, but they wanted to question them both for the trial that was going to proceed in a couple of days, you know that speedy trail deal in affect. I was so glad that they were free and out from under this horrible catastrophe that is my life.

Later Pervis would tell me they took him into a room and questioned him about the photo evidence and tried to get him to turn to the other side by trying to get him to explain the photo and still remain on my side. How did he still believe in me after seeing the evidence. How can he forgive me such atrocities that I had put hi through after knowing that I had done this, via the photo, and knowing now as for my confession? And Pervis only stared at the photo, trying to figure it out. The FBI tried their hardest to get it out of him, and all he did was look at the photo. He stared for hours at this picture, and said nothing to them, and later that day when we saw each other, he said nothing to me. He just stared forward and walked on past me. I would never believe at that moment what he was thinking about, heck I don’t believe it to this day, and we’ve been through a lot together since then.

Moonique didn’t know what to think, but she stuck by me and our love for each other could only grow from something like this. I was in jail, oh the horror of jail, I hate it here it’s so hard to feel good about yourself. I feel dirty all the time with all these hardened criminals around. The trial would begin tomorrow, and I haven’t a good feeling about it, I don’t think that it will end well for a certain Chicken we have all come to love. Being me that is. But if you do the crime they say, you do the time. And it looks like the time is coming like a freight train and I’m all that’s in it’s path.

Episode XXV

The trial began as many trials, I assume never being to one myself, with the DA starting by introducing himself as the one who would put me, the evil doer away for the crimes I had committed against society. I mean really is it that bad what I have done, I mean really? I watched witness after witness get up on the stand and give their account of what happened that fateful day, most of it being third person hearsay and speculation, but the DA assured the judge that it was evidence that would later be supported by harder evidence, and the judge allowed it. I feel lost in my journey to justice, but not knowing why I had done what I had was making it hard for me to figure out what to do next. I hate that I can’t be with Moonique more than a couple of minutes a day, and Pervis never comes to see me anymore, I feel I let him down and am saddened by his seemingly angry departure from our friendship. If I had know I was going to lose everything form this event I wouldn’t have done that talk show, never let us get caught, kept running forever. But a bigger shock was upon us and I never saw it coming. It wasn’t until we were almost done with day one of the trial when something happened that I didn’t see coming, not because it was impossible to see coming, but simply because nobody told me, and that event was the testimony of one Sherman the sheep!

Episode XXVI

You remember Sherman the sheep don’t you…..remember the one Pervis and I spray painted Purple way back in the day. Still makes me laugh….purple. Sherman gets up on the stand and starts spewing out all kinds of lies about what happened that day, and no one was stopping him, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Even more I couldn’t believe what they all were believing. Alas I think I may be in over my head.

The next day more witnesses, more lies, more nails in the coffin if you’re picking up what I’m putting down *wink* I don’t know what to think of what is happening in this case and I don’t believe I can turn this back around. The third day of the trial went as bad as one could expect, my defence attorney didn’t know how to control the bleeding so to speak, and told me that I wasn’t any help. “Why won’t you give me anything to work with….don’t you want to go free?” as she says this I see Moonique out of the corner of my eye. Before I know it she’s up in my face seemingly pissed off. “You’re not helping her save your life, you won’t make it in prison Chuck and I won’t make it out here alone without you, so if there is something you could do to save us, you should do it!” to which I said “There’s nothing I can do, the proof proves that I did it, and I can’t explain why that picture proves I did something I didn’t do…..”

Episode XXVII

“You didn’t do it!” Moonique exclaimed in the lobby of the courthouse, my lawyer grabbed our arms and drug us off to some empty room. Once in the room Moonique pushed me into a corner and upon uttering “What the…” the lawyer cut her off “I know you didn’t do it, but I haven’t the evidence to prove it, and this is a part of something bigger than you tipping an outhouse” Moonique seemed madder than she should be about me lying when it came to my innocence, but alas it was something that needed to be done in order to protect her and Pervis. “I didn’t ask you to lie to the FBI to get me out of trouble!” to which I exclaimed “I know but I couldn’t live with the thought of you and Pervis in jail for something that had nothing to do with you. I didn’t do this crime, but that picture tells me that it has something to do with me and not you and Pervis, so I lied! That’s right I lied and I would do it again, you guys are too important to me, and I love you more than my freedom Moonique, I love you and nothing will ever change that!” she kissed me and in this room alone all but the lawyer we embraced for the first time in weeks and I felt that those words were as true as true could be and that we were going to be real forever. But even in this perfect moment I couldn’t help but feel that Pervis needed to be here with us and he wasn’t, and that hurt me.

Episode XXVIII

The next time I would see Pervis would be when the DA would put him on the stand. I worried a bit about what he would say but something inside me told me that Pervis would not sell me up the creek. The DA asked Pervis many questions about how he felt about my lying to him and Pervis told him that he hated me for lying to him and Moonique, and how he would never do that to me in return. The question the DA asked would travel the world in the content, he asked about our journey and everything and everyone we came in contact with. And finally he came to the end of his questions and asked Pervis if he had anything further to say .And that’s about the point in which Pervis the pig exclaimed in court “Chuck the Chicken Didn’t do it!” to my shock, but to no one else’s as him being my best friend only made sense that he would proclaim my innocence. The DA seemed mad at him, this must have not been what they spoke of when Pervis agreed to testify. Apparently now out in the open his plan became apparent. Pervis the Pig had figured it out.

Episode XXIX

The DA was shocked by what was happening and against his better judgement asked Pervis “well then, if not Chuck the Chicken, then who Mr. Pervis” and in a grandiose gesture Pervis stands and points across the courtroom to his accusation “Sherman the Sheep!” the entire room gasped and I was like “What the!” Sherman whom was sitting behind the DA was exasperated by such a comment and stood and appeared like he wanted to run. The DA asked him why he would think that Sherman the Sheep would be the culprit. “Has anyone actually looked at the photo closely or did you all just glimpse at it and assume Chuck did it?” Pervis began with “if you look at the picture closely you will see that the Chicken in question doesn’t have chicken legs at all….” he stops in a dramatic pause to let that comment sink in “if you look closely you will see that the person that pulled this crime was not a chicken at all but actually a sheep in chickens clothing!” the whole courtroom went crazy with the buzz of everyone gasping and chatting over what they had just heard. The Judge banged the gable and demanded quiet in his courtroom. The DA not knowing where to go with this asked Pervis the only thing he could at this time. “Well clearly the chicken in the picture isn’t a chicken at all, but what makes you think it is Sherman the Sheep, what is his motive to frame Chuck?” “Motive, you want to know motive? The motive is simple, Sherman the Sheep framed Chuck the Chicken because we spray painted him purple back before all this happened, and that is why he framed Chuck, that is why we were on the run, and that is why we are all here today, because that Sheep couldn’t take being a purple sheep!” Pervis said standing triumphantly on the stand. The place erupted yet again, and the DA asked one more question, “So Mr. Pervis, why did your pal Chuck confess to the crime if he was innocent?” “Simple” Pervis stated “because he didn’t want his best friend and the love of his life to go to jail for something that was seemingly his fault, he couldn’t explain why he was in a photo commenting the crime, and he wasn’t about to take his friends down with him, so he confessed to spare us the time” With that being said, and the fact that all the evidence now pointed to Sherman the Sheep, the Judge had no choice but to free Chuck of all the charges and release him from jail, a free Chicken! Pervis the Pig had saved the day, and Sherman the Sheep was going away for a long long time. Once free Chuck was reunited with his friends Pervis and Moonique, and together they left the vicinity of the courtroom and drifted off to begin their lives in the aftermath of this journey of discovery, but where they would go the story will still follow…..

All Good Things.... Part I

Amidst all the chaos that has been our lives of recent months, Pervis and Moonique have become such a important part of my life that we vowed never to be apart again. Soon after being released from prison, I took Moonique aside and asked her if she wouldn’t mind marrying a formerly accused mass criminal and spending the rest of our lives together. And to my pleasant surprise, she accepted my proposal!

So the wedding was awesome, everyone came. We were so happy to see all of our friends from all over the world, come to wish us well on our happy day. Moonique was such a lovely bride, even though it was hard to see her as the church was so sparsely lit *wink*. We were so happy with everything that happened today and along our journey, it all got us to this moment. Pervis obviously was my best man, looked pretty sharp in his tux, but not as good as me though *grin*.But Moonique stole the show in her elegant wedding gown, she was stunning. All these friends from all over the world coming together with everyone from our old lives back home on the farm, brought out a lot of fun tales of exploration and mischief. So many moments we all but forgot, that were so funny now, we forget some of the stuff that happened as so many events molded our journey. We remembered the past of Pervis showing up at the chicken farm, and not fitting in, he is a pig you know. Moonique telling the tale of our first encounter, she cut me down out of the tree and I smacked the ground with a whack, darn useless chicken wings. Again we all relived the hilarious day when we spray painted Sherman the sheep purple, again everything that happened brought us here, so it’s all good. We even invited Sherman to our wedding and surprisingly he accepted, we made friends, he’s getting out of jail in a couple of years, we told him to look us up. We told the hilarious tale of when Manny the Mummy chased us around his tomb in Egypt for hours. We were all scared out of our mind, but now we laugh and now Manny is one of our dearest friends. But that is what this journey has taught us three, that friends are important and they’ll stick with you no matter how perilous or potentially futile that path may be, they are there solely as your friend to the end…

…and at the end of friendship, friends become family and we have learned that as far as a friend will go, family will go farther. Moonique has become part of my family, not only through marriage, but through the bond that has grown out of our friendship. And Pervis is my brother, I know we are not from the same parents, and not even the same species, but Pervis the Pig is the most brotherly pig anyone could ever know, I owe him my life, and one day hope to pay him back. We are a family now, and out of family comes the future, and our happiest day of all. The day we get to announce the birth our first child Morton!

All Good Things….Part II

Those days we’re so long ago, good times, old friends. We’ve all had so many good days since then, I can’t even begin to tell them all. But as I sit down here and write this tale, I do so alone, the last of us. I sometimes think it was unfortunate that I be the last of us, left alone by time and time, but now I know it was so I could tell our tale. It needed to be told. Moonique and I had a great life together after our marriage. We had two more kids after Morton, Mossamo and Rosalie 2 and three years later. They all grew up well. Morton is pond hopping farmyard rights lawyer, inspired by our story no doubt *wink*. Mossamo grew up to be a pro soccer player, one of the best in the world, a chicken with that strong cow kick his mother passed on to him *lol* and baby Rosalie went on to be President, she spoke greatly of convictions she derived from our saga, made them her own rules to live by and the nation followed suit. Our babies, made us proud and even though we never applied any pressure, they rose to their occasions. Our babies went on to have babies and as time went on, they made us the happiest grand parents in the world.
As time went by, the only real constant at our house was Pervis. Kids came and went, same with grand children, but Pervis was always there. Even when Pervis himself went out and found a girl name Pia, and married her, they were always at our house spending time with their best couple friends. But on our 51st year as friends Pervis suffered a loss that none of us had, the loss of his one true love Pia. He was devastated and we consoled him. He moved into our house and the three of us lived as best friends forever should, together till the end But with time comes loss, and in our 55th year of friendship I learned the loss that Pervis had went through only a few years prior. That fateful morning I awoke and got out of bed, told my honey to stay and rest that I would bring her breakfast in bed, she said “ I love you” and I doddled off to make her meal, and upon returning to our bed, she was gone. I wept. I found tranquility in that our last words to each other were I love you, and Pervis assured me there was no better way to go. I miss her with every core of my being.

Pervis and I spent the next nine years together, having fun. Playing cards, fixing the house, pranking on Sherman (it never did stop, but he learned to love the attention) and laughing about good memories without dwelling on the sad times. Pervis died pushing a small child out of the path of a speeding car, he passed the same way he lived his life, heroically with dignity and goodness that he always portrayed. His funeral was packed with people that even though I was his best friend, didn’t know he had touched in some way. People spent hours speaking only good about my friend, and I agreed.

But I am now alone. Sure I still have the kids to keep me company, but they have lives of their own to lead, and I don’t want to be a burden to them, so I act like it didn’t bother me that Pervis passed. We always said “Friends till the end….Friends Forever” I just didn’t know that Forever would come and one of us would still be here. But I figured with what time I do have left, I should share with you what I had learned through friendship and love. I hope you can take something away from our story. Thank You, Chuck.

“Friends till the end….Friends Forever”

-Chuck,Moonique & Pervis